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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Fuckin' Squirrels, Man

 

I got a new bird feeder for Christmas from the family because I really like birds.

  • I really do.


  • I've managed to make friends with the wrens from the summer and have been tossing them old bread from time to time and then I figured since winter was upon us that maybe it would be nice to put some food out there on a regular basis for them.

    I hung the bird feeder up in one of the trees right off our back deck; one that had an easy vantage point from the window over the sink in the kitchen (where I spend most of my time rinsing and cleaning dishes) as well as out the back door (which I go through all the time to toss beer bottles into the recycling bins).

    It seemed like the birds were ignoring it or hadn't discovered it yet because every time I looked out the window the feeder was still full. Yet my backyard is full of birds like cardinals, wrens, orioles, finches, tufted tit mice and the occasional owl, hawk or falcon.

    The one day the feeder was empty.

    Completely empty.

    And the I noticed that the fucking squirrels had chewed their way through the little beak size holes and made them big enough to stick their heads in there.

    Don't get me wrong, I like squirrels for the most part.

  • We almost adopted one this past summer


  • But goddamn if they aren't a total fucking nuisance when it comes to trying to maintain a bird feeder.

    I always hear of talk of squirrel-proof feeders but then everybody I know who has purchased one said that the squirrels eventually figure out a way to get at the food.

    Somebody help me... or help the birds!
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    8 comments:

    Jeff said...

    I have a solution. It's called a Mossberg 500 pump action 12 gauge shotgun. .410 bore, 24 inch barrel (can be professionally sawed down to 18 1/2 inches for home security or squirrel purposes). You load 'er up, and wait for the squirrel to fuck with your bird feeder. Now, it will probably destroy the bird feeder, and whatever kids that might happen by, and might even get you arrested.

    But those goddamn squirrels won't be back in the yard for a while.

    Amber said...

    Check out the SquirrelStop feeder. It works and the best part...always amusing to watch the squirrels attempt to get the birdseed.
    http://www.contech-inc.com/products/squirrelstop/

    Whit said...

    If you feed the squirrels too will they stop or just go for double?

    greg said...

    i don't think squirrels ever stop eating. once they are out of food they move on over to plastic...

    i've heard that if they're not chiselin' away on something their teeth will grow too big and they will starve.

    for real.

    Matt said...

    That's true about their teeth. The same goes for rats and beavers. A friend of mine had a rat as a child and had to clip it's teeth regularly. You are SOL about the squirrels in your feeder. They will fuck with anything till they get what they want.

    HoorayForSaturday said...

    Get a fox or if you know anyone that has a fox have it come over to piss in your yard. Squirrels don't mess around where foxes hang out.
    I learned that when I moved to Northern Kentucky. There are foxes all over the place around here, not so many squirrels.

    greg said...

    i was going to say something like "now where would i get a fox from?" but then i turned to the internet and discovered i don't need a fox... i can just buy fox urine and pretend like i have one!

    http://www.pestproducts.com/fox_urine.htm

    Bookem Danno said...

    Well, I like all animals, a lot. I always am improving habitat and the like. Well, I have been watching all winter as a gang of squirrels empty my bird feeders regularly. They don't even eat most of it. They just dig through and get what they want. I kept letting my dog out to chase them but the little bastards just sit 80ft up a tree and wait til all's clear. Sorry squirrels, that's it. I just dropped two Blacks and a Grey with my 10-22. Maybe the others will stay away. If not, bye-bye. Sorry, I've had it. I have never killed a squirrel in my woods, that's where they belong. Not three feet from the back window. These were some ballsy squirrels, cocky as hell. I and the dog would try to scare them off and they would just bark at us.